Archive for the ‘Football’ Category

Sam showed his crass moves to attract Caroline Wilson’s attention.
May 1, 2008

Sam Newman attempted to humiliate Caroline Wilson because she’s perceptive, knows the game better than he, and writes brilliantly. These days she’d probably play a better game of football than Sam

The psychology behind such a performance is interesting. Sam chose a mannequin because that’s the only shapely thing he can really relate to. He placed the plaster model in a bikini because that’s his favourite uniform and placed Caroline’s face on his favourite object because he’s deeply attached to her. The poor guy handled the mannequin in what he thought was the appropriate way to have sex, or make love, and he looked like the perfect sleaze that attempts to fondle a desirable woman in any way he can.

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AFL rules players now trained to kill
December 5, 2007

Australian football has hit the bottom. Now they train to kill to play a ball game. Is this the height of fuckwittery? Anyone who has undertaken such training knows the awfullness of how to kill people. How does the AFL allow such delinquency? Surely the aggression does not need to be focused to maim and kill. Let them play a ball game in ignorance of how easy it is to dispose of an opposing player.

The Kangaroos are now training – obviously they need some training before they go to the Gold Coast but that would have to be in the safe sex category – in a News South Wales training camp, learning to handle bayonets, rifles and unarmed combat techniques. In future these ignorant sportsman will not be able to claim they injured their opponents accidentally for they have been trained to stop them forever.

One speculation is that they have been paid by the army who need recruitment promotion.

Cocaine Cousins a deluded sport’s child
November 10, 2007

Ben Cousins is like the rest of us, open to temptation. If you’re a great footballer why not go one better and do it with a drug that can heighten control, speed, the intellect? Pure cocaine, so my research reveals (what I do for this blog), does all these things for you. However according to my informants it must be shaved from the crystalline rock, and you don’t over imbibe. Other, more available cocaine, is mixed with stuff like Panandol or Disprin and will numb your nose. Perhaps that’s how people sniff so much of the substance that it creates a hole in the membrane at the back of the throat that stops you from drowning when you put your head under water.

But it doesn’t continue to do the things you want if for. Mere mortals use it for sex, not real sport, and slowly your life is invaded by the crushing need for more and more and if you are an addictive personality (usually not a fully developed one) you’ll do anything to earn (or steal) for the next hit. For Ben his life’s reputation is ruined as far as sport goes and I only hope he has a fallback position, although the drug isn’t about that. Well, falling perhaps.

Imagine a whole football team on the stuff. You know, only taking it at weekends before the game. Of course that’s what the AFL are panicked about. I once debated Ron Barassi about drugs in sport on a 3aw radio show, then hosted by John Jost, and I was claiming that horseracing was often about drugs and he was claiming there were no drugs in football. He was probably right at the time but I was seeing a sport with incredible speed and aggression. Having seen horses increase times by one or two lengths with steroids I was pretty sure I was right about football. I remember saying, it’s the future of football.

Ben Cousins is Ned Kelly – a strange metamorphosis
October 19, 2007

We’ve misjudged Ben Cousins (at least I have). He is Ned Kelly. I imagined another football loser but now with the police charges dropped he will garner money from everyone, the Eagles, the AFL and the police – for wrongful arrest. The pay off will be far beyond Ned Kelly’s expectations.

Of couse he will still die with Ned’s words last words, SUCH IS LIFE, tattooed across his belly, but then he wants that. My assertion that he was promoting literary Australia ( Tom Collins’s classic, Such is Life, is no longer such a theme for his life) is not the true position. At least I hope not. He’s got to keep his nerve through several court cases and possibly the sporting clubs offers of settlement. Then again, if the WA police are full of Fremantle terrors he may die as violently as Ned.