Archive for the ‘Sam Newman’ Category

Sam showed his crass moves to attract Caroline Wilson’s attention.
May 1, 2008

Sam Newman attempted to humiliate Caroline Wilson because she’s perceptive, knows the game better than he, and writes brilliantly. These days she’d probably play a better game of football than Sam

The psychology behind such a performance is interesting. Sam chose a mannequin because that’s the only shapely thing he can really relate to. He placed the plaster model in a bikini because that’s his favourite uniform and placed Caroline’s face on his favourite object because he’s deeply attached to her. The poor guy handled the mannequin in what he thought was the appropriate way to have sex, or make love, and he looked like the perfect sleaze that attempts to fondle a desirable woman in any way he can.

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Sam should have been following my father’s advice on daily sex
March 6, 2008

Sam Newman should have taken my father’s advice. He told me that to keep prostate cancer at bay you should have daily sex. My father died at 92, without acknowledged prostate problems, but because he had jaw cancer, and he was frightened that the titanium replacement would buckle if he ate regular food. I know he ate regularly, on a daily basis in fact, but that didn’t save his jaw.

I ridiculed my father’s prostate theory and didn’t want to think about the daily sex he might be having until I received my inheritance of $678.80, exactly the same amount as my brother. Having lived the life of a rich man with beach houses, a superb art collection, and other indulgences (sounds like Sam) I imagined that I might receive enough to squander it on … something. I checked out my father’s finances and spoke to his friends.

Suddenly my respect for him was enormous. There were three women and he had given one an orchard, one a bus line and another a restaurant. To what age had he indulged himself? Well, the scene changed a little.There was a weekly cheque of $150 to Fashion Affair, a lingerie store, and a similar amount simply marked in the cheque butts as flowers. As he had never bought anyone flowers as far as I could remember, including my mother, and as I didn’t imagine him wearing women’s lingeries at 92, I surmised he had been avoiding prostate cancer up until the very last moment.

Sam you should have been doing better. I know I am.